Most of the time the idea of chastity play is introduced by the man who wants to be locked up. His partner, if he has one, has never considered the idea. Moreover, the way he describes it - daily inspections, teasing, rules, obedience - sounds more like work than fun. The man never considers this side of the chastity coin. It's no wonder that so few couples play this way. Before locking yourself or having your partner lock you up, if you expect success, you better have a plan that works for both partners. Except in very rare cases, the female partner will not derive any direct pleasure from chastity play. Despite the junk on the Internet (most of it is male fantasy), women don't generally get off turning their partners into docile, panty-wearing boys. The woman's pleasure comes from giving something to her partner that he wants. This one-way process gets old very fast. If you and your partner want to try chastity play, you will have to find ways to make it work for both of you. The traditional male fantasy won't fly. But there are things you can do that very well may turn out better in real life.
Ok, now that we have that out of the way, let's look at how this dynamic works.. One important point about human sexuality, male or female, is that the absence of stimulation will cause a gradual loss of interest. That seems hard to believe, But even guys will lose interest if they receive no stimulation for a prolonged period of time. Since we are counting on our chastity play to enhance sexuality, we have to make sure that doesn't happen. In the case of males, the trick is to maintain sufficient activity to prevent loss of interest and nocturnal release while achieving your results.
We haven't mentioned results yet, so let's consider them now. Ideally, the wearer will be conditioned to wholeheartedly obey the wishes of the key holder in order to earn an orgasm. Of course he isn't being forced into this. He does have a choice. That's what makes the game so interesting. If he chooses to be lazy or unwilling to do what pleases the key holder, he will earn extra time locked in before he can ejaculate. He has to balance his extreme sexual frustration with his desire to be in control. Boys being boys, chances are good he will find control far less interesting than additional opportunities to ejaculate. That's where it gets to be fun for his partner. Realistically speaking, most women do not get off teasing and denying their partner of sexual gratification. The vast majority of women who do this with their partners, do so because it is what he wants. Ironically, most men who want this sort of play, truly believe that their partners want to do this. The number one reason this sort of play fails is that both the man and the woman fail to take into account that somehow this play must be fun for both. Every man who successfully achieves this play over time with his partner, has learned that he has to make it fun for her. He can't just wallow in his chastity fantasy.
Turning fantasy into reality
After a decade publishing ths web site, we have learned the cold, hard truth about chastity play: it is almost always a male fantasy that is not shared by women. We hanven't run into any women who get off by preventing their partners from orgasm. Sorry guys, that's the simple truth. Many women are willing to play for a while, but since there isn't any real reward, they will lose interest after a while. The male fantasy is that the woman really gets off by controlling her man. She uses chastity to bend him to her will. This is one of the most potent male sexual fantasies. In slightly different flavors, it is why so many men want to be spanked, tied up, and "made" to do things. It is a gigantic male turn-on. The vast majority of people who read this article are men. Ok guys, that's fine. Read this and then ask your partner to read it too.
Ladies, if you are reading this because your partner asked you to, we will try to help you understand what he wants and how to successfully indulge in chastity play. Guys, pay attention too. Remember, this is your fantasy not hers. The name of this game is witheld reward. The guy believes that if he is not allowed access to his weenie, over time he will become so desperate he will become docile and obedient in the hope of getting release. It's powerful stuff. There is no need for yelling, force, or any other classic methods of expressing displeasure in this game. The simple statement, "Three more days" will have an extremely strong effect.
Make him earn a chance to ejaculate
Given that there are no serious infractions, regular sexual releases should be set up in a way to prevent him from changing his mind and abandoning the chastity game. The best suggestion this reporter heard came from a woman, not into domination and submission at all. She reasoned that her husband wouldn't want to go back in after he had to wait longer than he wanted. She bought a dog collar and wrist restraints. Then she waited.
When he asked her to let him out because he was anxious to come, she told him that she would but only if he agreed that when he was "set free" she could lock his wrists to the collar to prevent "accidents". He gladly agreed. She locked his hands to the collar which put them far from "danger", then removed the device. She took the time to inspect his penis to check for any sores or irritation, washed it carefully, then slowly masturbated him to orgasm. She brought him to the edge over and over, finally giving him release. He loved it! What man wouldn't? Other partners have been known to give oral attention or straddle their mates for intensely pleasurable intercourse. Naturally, the man's hands were firmly attached to his collar.
He was learning that the price for possible release was having his hands unavailable. His wife plans to not masturbate him each time she takes the device off. Her goal is to have him willingly let her lock up his hands even if he isn't going to get release. Sounds like dominance and submission, doesn't it? She doesn't think so, nor does he. It just makes sex a lot of fun. She thinks it is exciting sex play for both of them and a good way to guarantee she is the sole focus of his sexual desire. Some people in traditional S/M relationships switch roles for chastity play. The normally dominant man is locked up by his submissive partner. It makes for interesting negotiations. Oh to be a fly on the wall of that bedroom!
That's the way the guy believes things should work. Most women just don't see it that way. Sex isn't on a woman's mind the way it is for a man. So, if this is going to succeed long term, there has to be something in it for her. Aside from the obvious pleasure it gives him to be tortured this way, there are ways to make this more interesting for her too. The obvious way is to take advantage of his desire to be obedient. Yes, make him kiss your pussy, boots, ass, etc. That satisfies his fantasy. But add some realism too. After all, if you had a real slave, he wouldn't be licking your pussy. He would be mopping the floor, ironing the clothes, vacuuming the carpets. Right? Well, we have the pay off for you. He kisses and licks where it turns him on about half the time. The rest of the time your good boy takes care of all those annoying household chores. He's complaining? You just smile (even though you hate what is happening) and inform him that he stays locked up a bit longer. Remind him that whining gets punished. Again, this is easier-said-than-done. It goes against the grain of most women to behave this way. If this a problem you have, you need to inform your man that you really won't do this anymore if he makes you punish him or scold him. It's perfectly fair to tell him that when he is a good boy and does what he is told, this is fun for you. When you have to punish him, you want to unlock him and forget the game.
He wants more than I want to do
This brings us to one of the more difficult aspects of this play: he wants to be punished but you just hate that role of parent to your partner. There is only one way past this problem: make punishment part of the play. Realize that he gets very turned on when you show your authority. The key is to limit this discipline to the amount you can handle and still have fun. When he crosses that line, and he will, then you have to sit down and tell him that you can't do this anymore if he keeps pushing for more discipline. Couples who are successful at this play, take "time outs", go to dinner and discuss how things are going. Tell hom if you are tiring of punishment and discipline. Work out a mutually agreeable limit to the play. If he refuses, then the game is over.
Assuming you both have reaached a comfortable level of intensity and have settled down to long term play, you can make this play more interesting if you "remind" him of his condition by regularly teasing him sexually. Denial is sexy to start with, and having to endure teasing without release magnifies the effect of this play. A few women appoint "assistants," female friends who are authorized to tease the man in the device. There is no danger since he can't do anything anyway.
Does this mean the key holder is also doing without? Oh no! A locked up male is perfectly capable of performing oral sex on his partner. If she likes, he can also use his hands. You will be amazed how interested a male becomes in his partner's orgasms when he knows he needs to stay on her good side to get a chance for one too.